Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
