My boss' voice literally gives me gas
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
