Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
