On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
