He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
