i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
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