There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
where are my eyebrows?
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