Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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