tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
ttyl tear gas
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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