im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
