WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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