sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
