ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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