Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
