I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
