Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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