I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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