So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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