she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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