I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
