Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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