He kissed a someone with a penis
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
