My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
