I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
