I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
