oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
