So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
