have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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