she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
