Joe is yelling at the trees again.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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