I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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