the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
