so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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