did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
