Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
