This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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