I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
