You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
