after a month anything with tits is on the radar
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
