I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
