that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
