I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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