my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
