would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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