Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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