please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
