So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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