i barfeds in our rink
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
