I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
