Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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